Every parent sees greatness in their children. We hope and pray for genius, outstanding athleticism or powerful leadership qualities, as each child progresses through stages of development. With each flicker of brilliance, we ooh and awe on social media, burdening our friends and relatives with minute by minute progress reports.
We were no different. As each child displayed tendencies and traits of greatness, we struggled to control our own pride. Before the drool was dried on their chins, we knew they would play meaningful roles in the welfare of mankind. One was going to be an Olympic ice skater, another was going to be a researcher in the human genome project and yet another aspired to be a used car dealer. Out of our four children, one was uncertain, as to her life’s calling, but there was no doubt that it would be challenging. We knew this because early in elementary school, she discovered “The Cure for Cancer” and “A Cure for Blindness”.
Unfortunately, after many years these cures were just rediscovered in our files. We deeply regret the suffering people have experienced because these cures were not available but we are making them available to the public now, without cost. I can make no claim as to their effectiveness however people should not expect too much from their use.
Abby’s Cure for Cancer
1 tsp of Ranch Dressing; 5 cups of hot water; 4 four leaf clovers; 1 petal of a sunflower; crumbs of bread; 1 cup of ice and a hair from your father’s head. Stir for 5 minutes and store in a big jug in the freezer. Rub it around your body, two coats of it on your body and in 1 day you will be cured.
(Editor’s note; We are not responsible for those in countries were the metric system is in use, please be cautious with conversions. Too little or too much ranch dressing may alter the effectiveness.)
As you can see this information is much too valuable to be kept in secret and as a family, we have no wish to profit from such important information. In addition to her cure for cancer we decided to also make available her cure for blindness. Again, we want to mention that this has never been tested so I would not recommend widespread use of these treatments without first consulting your doctor.
Abby’s Cure for Blindness
1 tsp of cold water; 1 drop of orange juice; 1 chopped leaf (of any kind); Wax of a candle; crumbs of bread. Stir 10 minutes and keep in a dropper bottle. 3 drops of the cure in the eye and in 1 day they will see. (Again, caution is advised with conversion to metric system.)
I can’t help but offer my advice after reviewing the cure for blindness. DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME! About the only thing you will be seeing will be the eye doctor and you won’t see him or her very well.
We envisioned endless potential in this child. We waited for more cures expecting her to branch out into other areas of medical research but this was not to be. Reflecting back, we now realize it was because all of her treatments contained crumbs of bread. When she ran out of bread there was nothing more she could do for the human race. Years later we see the blossoming gift in this child. It wasn’t in medical research at all, but her gift was discovered one day when she sat down with a pen and watercolors.
Seeing your child as a prodigy is normal for a parent. Parents have super powers that others don’t have. We can see hope and beauty that others miss and we can bestow love where others can’t and we hold dearly to our children always wanting the best for them. In this way we all live in our own Lake Wobegon, as Garrison Keillor describes it, “All the women are strong, all the men are good looking and all the children are above average.”